Seagulls chirping and flying in the air. Salty winds and reggae play as the small town awakens.
I made it to a small town called Falmouth on Tuesday afternoon and had lunch with some locals. My first night I didn't know exactly what to expect but I passed out on the small twin bed.
Stepping onto the soft sand of the beach the next morning made me eyes squint with a soft smile. The noise of waves crashing down and kids playing was music to my ears. The hot weather but cold winds make it a perfect time to get a tan and relax on the sand. The town was small but is full of life with good vibes, people, and energy. Local fisherman bring in their catches from early in the morning for the town like lionfish, mahi mahi, tuna ,etc. Locals here live with a smile on constantly.
I'd use a more conversational tone and put in my own experience instead of just using colorful adjectives. You did create a good job to create a picture of the town, but it seemed more generic. While you used the senses, I'd add a small anecdote or quotes.
ReplyDeleteVery well written and descriptive. The only criticism I have Is for you to use the voice of Lahore more. The imagery is very spot on and makes you want to be in the situation described.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you described the city and people within the city itself. One thing you could improve on is to compare to the Lahore author and describe a specific area or areas of attachment.
ReplyDeleteThe writer did capture the voice and techniques but could have used less formal speech and more of a friendly tone. I personally would have separated the sentence and made a separate paragraph with the fisherman being the beginning of the new paragraph. the imagery language used is very descriptive and paints a picture in my mind.
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