I feel the cool air brush across my face as I stroll along the sands of the beach. The soft clashing of the crystal clear waves leaves my body empty of thoughts and worries. As I look to my left and my right the ocean and island extend to as far as the eye can see, with all the seagulls chattering to themselves as they fly in unison to the next island. The warm water, the plentiful fish, turtles, reefs, barracuda, and whales, this is what I can call paradise. It is now September and while the rest of the world is freezing to death I can still walk here shirtless and still get my nice tan.
120 Words
I really enjoyed all the adjectives you used to describe this new place and i enjoyed reading it a lot. Next time, You should use the voice of Lahore and do those techniques but overall I really enjoyed reading this.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't sound like the author wrote it, but it was a good idea. I enjoyed reading this but it should have more paragraphs rather than one big one. Literary devices wee used but weren't that effective. All in all good interesting, but have a little bit of tweaks to make.
ReplyDeleteThere was a lot of descriptive aspects to this writing piece which makes me as a reader really feel like I'm there. In order for this to line up better with the instructions of the assignments (matching the Lahore author's style), reminiscing could have been added.
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